So I was admitted to the hospital just over 5 weeks ago and for the most part, I was holding up pretty well. I finally hit my "emotional pitfall" Being alone for 23 out of 24 hours a day begins to get very lonely very fast. I was filled with the fear that something bad might happen to my husband or kids and I might never see them again. Although this may not be a rational fear, at the moment, it felt very real. Some of the PTSD symptoms began to surface and nightmares returned. I did all that I could to stay in touvh with reality and keep myself focused on the reasons that I am doing this (hospital bedrest). The nights began to get harder and harder and eventually I had a meltdown. A couple weeks ago, at about 11pm, my blood pressure dropped down pretty low. One minute I was chatting back and forth with Leah on the computer, and the next minute, my vision went blurry and I began to feel like I was spinning. I began to panic and freak out. I had a nurse who normally worked on a different floor and she was very unsure how to handle the situation (which only elevated my frears). Finally she discovered that I was severely dehydrated and she hung fluids but my anxiety continued to increase and all I could think about was my kids. After about 3 hours and it being about 2am, the nurse called the doctor and the doctor imediately said that shse wanted the nurse to sedate me. I was all for it! For the love of mankind, please just sedate me! HAHA! Once I was able to get some sleep, I felt better and a few hard days followed but I was finally able to pull out of it. One of my favorite nurses came into my room and snatched me by the seat of my pants and pushed me forward to overcome these emtional obsticles. She put me back in touch with reality and I felt a renewed sence of strength. My best friend Leah called and told be that General Confrence was on so I got onto the internet and watched and listened to words of our prophet and apostles. I felt the support and love of The Lord and I knew that He not only knew the desires of my heart but He had granted me with the gift of carrying these twins because He knew that I was strong enough to survive this pregnancy. The Lord heard my prayers and the pleading of my soul and he came to my rescue by allowing me to feel His love through the acts of kindness of others. Now that I was armed with emotional strength, I knew that I could push forward and I had an ultrasound a few days later (10/5). Dr. Nacasha did a trans-vaginal ultrasound and said not only did my cervix maintain but it grew thicker! It went from 26mm to 28mm. Even though it's still short, the important thing is now we know that it can be cured with bedrest. So after the ultrasound, the Dr. said that I could go home as long as I remained on strict bedrest. I was thrilled to be able to be home again and be near my husband and my kids! Now, it's all about staying in bed and growin these babies!
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