I picked you...

Oh my love. It was pretty hard waking up this morning. Just to realize that when I rolled over in bed you weren't there. I looked out on the couch as I remember often you had a hard time sleeping in bed so you went to the couch. But you weren't there either. When will these days go by faster? I remember telling you how all these years have been flying by faster and faster. How I felt like I was so...

old. For some reason since your passing time has stopped and the days have gotten so much longer. I just want to fast forward 50 years so that the kids are all grown and have families of their own and I ready to pass on. I can imagine one of our daughters telling me, "Daddy it's time. Go to mommy" But it seems impossibly far away. I need and want to be as positive as possible, but sometimes it is just so hard. Last night I did have a wonderful experience as I fell asleep. I had kherrington laying in my arms on one side, Natalie laying in my arms on the other side and delaney crawled down between my legs and slept with her body on my legs. I was surrounded with love. I peacefully fell asleep. Sharla you helped create the most beautiful souls. I just know that before this life you hand picked which beautiful children you wanted. Natalie for her outgoing spirit, these days she runs to me with so much excitement and squeezes me as tight as she can telling me that she loves me so much. She loves to play with me and that helps snap me out of a bad mood. Delaney you picked because of her sensitivity. That child has a way of just looking in to her eyes you can see the love she has for anyone. She is our cuddle bug and loves to be held tightly. Kherrington you picked because of her innocence. She does not understand what is going on right now. But she continues to run around the house giggling, and for no reason runs up to me and everyone in the house and for no reason gives out kisses. She then looks at me and says "I love you so much daddy" in her squeaky voice. Daxton and Parker are both very different unique spirits. Daxton is our child that overcomes the odds. He is already starting to crawl love. I watch him as he is trying so hard, he will fall on his face a time or too, but he never cries because of it. He gives me hope. He is teaching me that even though it is painful, he picks himself up and tries again. Parker is you. To me he is our only child that I see you in him. He has been the hardest to look at even though that child never stops smiling. I look at him and can see your eyes smiling back at me. I know that pain will stop and it will be so much easier to hold and snuggle him. I am not going to lie, he scares me to death. But I know that will change and he will give me strength. I know love that you hand picked each of our kids and I hand picked you. I know I saw every person that would ever exist and I hand picked you. You were the only one for me. The only one that would ever fit me, the only one who would completely and udderly complete me. I know that that day I picked you, you told me then, "I promise to love you for all of eternity, I will have to leave early one day, and live may seem unmanageable, but I promise that if you push through the pain, and battle the many elements of life, in time we will be together again and I promise to never leave your side again. I love you
Sharla. I am coming sharla, it is going to be quite a long time on my end. But I promise that I will come one day when the lord feels my earthly mission is over. And when I arrive on the other side, you will be the first person I see and I will cry as I embrace you. That will be the greatest day of my spiritual life. I promise.