"Why Not?"

   So less than an hour ago the last family member left our house and I am now left to start a new life I did not chose to have. The lord felt that this was my new mission and even though I accept it with an undenied faith I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared to death right now. Before Sharla passed I was not scared of anything but Death itself. But for some reason now everything scares me now except Death. I know that is because when I do someday pass, I will have my wonderful wife there to greet me. I know hundreds of people have been telling me I need to be strong for the kids and I really am trying my best to hold it all together. But unless something like this has happened to someone in their life it is impossible to fully explain the feelings flooding through my mind. I feel so lost and torn in a million different directions. My emotions are literally scattered all over the place. I almost feel like I have broken a mirror into a million pieces and I have to put the mirrior back together just as the way it looked before it was broken piece by piece. Or even skydiving and about halfway down realizing that you have no chute on. I have suffered pain before, I have even suffered lost of friends. I have suffered lost of income, I have even suffered lost of an unborn child at 15 weeks. But every time I had suffered, I had my wife Sharla’s arms to fall into and feel the unimaginable amount of safety and reassurance of healing. I no longer have those arms to fall into or my wife and it brings me so much pain.
   Love the one you have. I know I could easily say that you never have an idea how fast she/he could be in a blink of an eye. But there is much more than that. There were unlimited amounts of stuff that I did not know about Sharla. Learn everything you can about your spouse. I guarantee that every person has a story. And listen, just listen. Take in every word and just don’t sit there and wait till your turn to talk because that can make you lose focus of what your loved one is trying to say. Fighting is healthy and Sharla and I learned that we no longer fought after 7 years. We liked to say that are fights had turned into disagreements. The next day they no longer mattered. I was very fortunate to be at home everyday for the last year of her life. I grew extremely close to her. We learned that when we watched TV together. She would lay her legs across my thighs. This brought an incredible amount of closeness to us. Brush her hair or spend some time and while she lays her head in your lap. Run your fingers through her hair. To women this is so comforting to them and makes them feel important and safe. My wife taught us to never allow someone of the opposite sex in our house when she wasn’t there. I did not understand this for so long and thought it was just because she was jealous. But it made me learn that when I do that, I am showing her respect, I am showing her that I would never put my self in awkward situations. Sharla was a brilliant person, and everything she did had a reason behind it. One thing my wife loved so much was when I would surprise her with just a note of love. Gestures that show you had to think outside the box. That is why she hated cards and flowers so much. Because those are all planned gestures. She loved the ones you made up, because rather than the note or gift you made, the thought that went into it was way more important than anything. She once asked me if I knew what her favorite childhood memory was. I thought for a moment and could not remember if she had ever told me. I said, “I don’t recall if I ever knew?” She replied, “why not?” I said, “well I don’t think we ever had that conversation before.” She then said, “why not?” That really got me thinking and even more now. Why hadn’t I had those conversations with her and how many of those “why not’s” were there really? I know there were so many that I missed out on. Some I will not get in this life anymore. Try to add that into your relationship with your spouse. Those “why nots” will help you to learn so much about your spouse. Laugh together, and when I say laugh together, REALLY laugh together. When Sharla and I used to lay in bed and have conversations with each other. We loved to make fun of certain situations we faced that day. If something seemed out of the ordinary like someone’s toupee was on backwards, we would joke about it in the privacy of our room and that is where it stayed. We had nights where Sharla would laugh so hard she no longer had the ability to make noise when she laughed. I can honestly say that those moments brought us so close. One thing we really loved to do when we were at church is we did love letters on each others backs. Now I know that sounds weird, but often she would scratch my back while there and then she would start writing words with her finger on my back. I would guess at what she was writing and it was always a message of love and we would do it back and forth to each other.
   I have so many of these other tools we used in our time we had together. I will continue to share these as time goes on. I just thought I would put this out there for now because I have heard so many times over the last few days how they feel they need to treasure the one they love more because you never know when they will go. I just know there is way more to that. Men and Women are very complex people and we all have different needs. Our goal in life should not be to understand women or men, it should be to understand your spouse and what they need, and only your spouse. They should above all others always be the first person you think about in everything you do. If you think that that is too smothering, then you havent yet found your true other half. Because when you absolutely find the one you love, smothering is never an issue. I know this. I spent the whole last year, every single day, every single hour, every single minute with her, and I can honestly say that not even once, did I ever get sick of her, or feel I needed a break. True love has no limits, true love knows no end, true love endures through anything, anything!