To my Dearest Love

So yesterday I had some members of the church come over because for the last couple days I have been having an extremely hard time when I arose in the morning due to all of the nightmares I have been having. So they asked if they could give me a priesthood blessing and I gladly accepted. In that blessing he said a phrase that really stuck to me. He said that the Holy Ghost and the Adversary cannot reside in the same place at the same time. Which is so true and I had forgotten that concept. If I constantly tried to lead a good life and make the right choices, I would start to feel Gods love and receive answers in which I have been searching for more and more every day. I love my family so much and everything that they represent to me. I took on a covenant years ago to always choose the right and in return I would have my life blessed beyond measure. I may have had only been given 7 years of pure bliss and rich blessings. But I got them, and that is what is so important to me. Now I know some people might say if I always strived to lead such a good life, then why was the love of my life taken from me? That is so easy for me to answer and understand even though I questioned it almost everyday for the first week of your passing. Deep down I knew the answer the whole time. You see for those who choose to lead a Godly life, are being prepared for something amazing. Some achieve that amazing early and some take a little longer than others. In this case it has nothing to do with how righteous a person is to achieve it faster. It is just God has an amazing plan for each of us and some of those goals set for each person may take longer than others. I truly believe that each of us is to meet certain people in our life to affect them in a sort of way to either help change their life or lead them to finding what they have been searching for their whole life. In this life we are just preparing or as we like to call it a “preparatory stage” to what we have been really waiting for. Or in Baseball terms, this is the minor league to prepare for the real show. The big game. This life is just a stepping stone to something bigger than both you and I. I believe you were taken from me love because God had prepared you. You were an instrument that did everything he had asked. Everything he had intended for you to achieve you did, therefore you were prepared to taken to a place where he needed you. A place where there are those who had never had the opportunity to find Gods love and you are teaching them that so they can accept him. You were a perfect mother, he also needs you to comfort those little ones who passed at a young age. To comfort them until their loved ones can return to them. I honestly believe this to be true. My mission is undoubtedly not complete yet. My paths are meant to cross other peoples lives first and impact them in such a way God has always intended. I always remember the saying, “If you give God 10% of your life to him, he will give you 10% of his help in return. If you give 90% then he will give 90%.” You always gave 100% of your life to him and I always knew you had some sort of stronger understanding that I always tried to figure out but found it challenging to understand. I feel you in me Sharla, I feel the things you are trying to teach me. I am getting stronger spiritually and starting to see the lines between right and wrong much clearer. I still suffer physical pain in knowing that you are not here. But hear me when I say this. In no way, and I repeat, in no way do I blame God for taking you. I will never fight against his plan. So why do good things happen to good people. Why do some of Gods best followers face trials their whole lives. Because God gave us free agency and we agreed that he would never take that away from us and the Adversary tries to destroy us everyday. The prophets of old all suffered horrible deaths. The lord himself died on the cross. The Lord tries us because he loves us. It makes us stronger. It helps our Faith to grow. It helps me learn patience. He will never forget us or abandon us. He is there to talk to everyday and if we take the moment to really listen while we pray, his answers will be quiet, but they are always there. Last night when I prayed to bring me comfort at night and not have nightmares and to feel safe in my own house. I not only felt safe, but had no nightmares. I love you Sharla and even though I am raising all 5 kids by myself , I still feel you helping me to make the right decisions about how to raise them. Have a great day where you are and bring comfort to all those out there who are suffering your loss. We will meet again, and in that day, I will know that we had succeeded in what we originally intended to do before this life. Only then we will be able to start the big game. We will be able to start our eternity.